Life Isn't Perfect

Life isn’t perfect. Ever since Eve took a bite out of that forbidden fruit, humans have struggled with tears, broken hearts, and unfulfilled dreams. We’ve been hurt, broken, and crushed. But for some reason humanity continues on its quest to find the perfect life.
But the point is that we all hurt, and that we have all felt broken at one point in our lives. I’ve spent hours in my room crying by myself, believing that no one cares. I’ve been hurt and bitter and believed that everyone had turned their back on me. I’ve had my heart ripped into a million pieces and been forced to face the world alone.
And so not only are we hurt, but we’re lonely. Because there isn’t always someone watching us, everyone has their own lives, their own problems, their own hurts, and their own broken hearts to try and fix. There isn’t enough time to watch over everyone else’s hearts as well as your
own.
I mean, yeah, I know that I’m supposed to believe that God is up there, watching over me, helping me on my way. But I mean, really as much as I may want to, its not like I can just go cry on God’s shoulder when I need a hug.
The real problems for me though, start when not only can I not cry on God’s shoulder, in the moments when I can’t make myself believe that God is even up there. It’s not like God is just up there yelling down to me “I am here.” No, I’m expected just to know, some how, that even though there are no signs, and there are no thunderclaps during my prayers, and God has never spoken to me, I’m still expected to believe that he is going to fix all my problems. Right.
Maybe part of this whole “believing” thing is to wonder. To not always know if God is actually up there. Maybe we all just have to live for the moments when we know that there has got to be something more to life, the moments when it all seems worth it, those few moments of absolute certainty.
This article was supposed to be all about crying, and God being up there watching us anyways, about how God is supposed to be watching over us, knowing all about every single tear we have ever cried. Then it turned into me wondering what happens when a person begins to doubt, when they don’t always know that God is up there. What is it now? I don’t know. I’ve been writing this for five months, and the truth is I still don’t know.
I think that the point at this moment though, is that even though sometimes we’re all alone, and crying on a corner, or under our beds, and we don’t always know that God is up there counting our tears, and we aren’t even sure God is up there in the first place, that we’ll get through it. The moment only lasts so long. If its ten minutes or ten days, or ten months, eventually the moment will pass. Awful moments end.

-Kathleen Kerr